General writing

Let's say
it happens.

[Please don't, please don't...]

All my fault, but not my fault at all....

a lesson on taking the blame:
I didn't do anything; I did everything.

I miss/need/love/hate/care

If it doesn't:

[Please, please!]

whatever horrible, disgusting, inhuman part of me that wanted,
for the drama,
for the emotions,
for whatever horrible reasons my frazzled brain could possibly present me with...

maybe that tiny brain cell
would feel sad.

That
life is good.

Literally.

No one knows why
No one knows how

and I know least of all.

[Please, please, he didn't do anything. Please.]

Selfishly, I'd be lonely
at NEs.
Selfishly.

Selfishly, I'd be angry
for his choices
and beliefs
and policies.

and maybe a little less selfishly,

I'd be mad that it was never
me.

Selfishly,
I sit here
and feel underprivileged
because I'm not up there with them
on faith. love. healing. family. values.

Please. Please. Please.

Let's say
it happens.

[Please don't, please don't...]

All my fault, but not my fault at all....

a lesson on taking the blame:
I didn't do anything; I did everything.

I miss/need/love/hate/care

If it doesn't:

[Please, please!]

whatever horrible, disgusting, inhuman part of me that wanted,
for the drama,
for the emotions,
for whatever horrible reasons my frazzled brain could possibly present me with...

maybe that tiny brain cell
would feel sad.

That
life is good.

Literally.

No one knows why
No one knows how

and I know least of all.

[Please, please, he didn't do anything. Please.]

Selfishly, I'd be lonely
at NEs.
Selfishly.

Selfishly, I'd be angry
for his choices
and beliefs
and policies.

and maybe a little less selfishly,

I'd be mad that it was never
me.

Selfishly,
I sit here
and feel underprivileged
because I'm not up there with them
on faith. love. healing. family. values.

Please. Please. Please.

It's okay
That's in the past
No damage was done
I am who I am today
Because of me
That's who I have chosen to become
You feel bad but don't
I've moved on
I lied when I said
That I didn't remember
The truth is I do
But it doesn't stop me
From living the life I desire
It's not your fault I do the stuff I do
I do it because It's something that's lacking
In my everyday life
I've learned to live with that fact

It's okay
That's in the past
No damage was done
I am who I am today
Because of me
That's who I have chosen to become
You feel bad but don't
I've moved on
I lied when I said
That I didn't remember
The truth is I do
But it doesn't stop me
From living the life I desire
It's not your fault I do the stuff I do
I do it because It's something that's lacking
In my everyday life
I've learned to live with that fact

It's okay
That's in the past
No damage was done
I am who I am today
Because of me
That's who I have chosen to become
You feel bad but don't
I've moved on
I lied when I said
That I didn't remember
The truth is I do
But it doesn't stop me
From living the life I desire
It's not your fault I do the stuff I do
I do it because It's something that's lacking
In my everyday life
I've learned to live with that fact

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

My father needed
very few things
to stay content.

A pack of cigarettes
and her quick wit
to smoke them with

He found her in med school
Ironic,
where he won her over
with peppermint sticks.

His candy
and hers
Both balanced between
their lips.

It went like this
for 20 years
He’d smoke
She’d laugh.

But his work
left her alone
and in time her,
sweet tooth died.

So she left him.
alone with worthless
Cigerettes.

My father needed
very few things
to stay content.

A pack of cigarettes
and her quick wit
to smoke them with

He found her in med school
Ironic,
where he won her over
with peppermint sticks.

His candy
and hers
Both balanced between
their lips.

It went like this
for 20 years
He’d smoke
She’d laugh.

But his work
left her alone
and in time her,
sweet tooth died.

So she left him.
alone with worthless
Cigerettes.

My father needed
very few things
to stay content.

A pack of cigarettes
and her quick wit
to smoke them with

He found her in med school
Ironic,
where he won her over
with peppermint sticks.

His candy
and hers
Both balanced between
their lips.

It went like this
for 20 years
He’d smoke
She’d laugh.

But his work
left her alone
and in time her,
sweet tooth died.

So she left him.
alone with worthless
Cigerettes.

Memories
Written By Leah Kanoff

Memories are something that stay forever.
They hold her back, they move her forward.
Thy maker her laugh, cry, makes her wish she could turn back time.
Some memories break her heart in two.
Let go? Or, hold on?
Twelve written pages later, she hasn’t stopped writing, hasn’t make up her mind, hasn’t sent the letter.
Letting go makes her want to hold on even more, but holding on breaks her heart too.
Can she really let go of someone who has helped her so much?
But can she change herself to hold on?
Change her heart to not want more? Change her heart from falling in love?.....
Sure she can try, but could she really do it?
Would she only lying to her own heart then?
Her heart skips a beat when the phone rings, reminding her how much she really want to pick up the phone and just talk to him, but doesn’t…….
But she can’t live for yesterday she has to start living for tomorrow, the future, not the past.

Why am I letting myself fall farther and farther into that place?
The place that hurt me- the place where I don't want to be.
I want to go far away- away from these feelings that won't leave me. I don't care where it takes me, I just want to get away- fast!
I can't get out of this chair.
I'm stuck- glued.
My friends try to understand- but they don't. They don't get it!
I'm sick of this-
Wanting/ crushing/ loving,
But I can't help it!
When I think the trap door is locked, I'll go stand on it, and fall right back into the mess I just climbed out of.
Why?
Why does this hurt so much?
Can't He help? I mean, he's the one that looks down upon us. The one that cares for us the most- so why doesn't He help us out when we've fallen and can't get back up?
I don't understand.
Why is getting back up, after you've fallen, so hard?