9

Let's say
it happens.

[Please don't, please don't...]

All my fault, but not my fault at all....

a lesson on taking the blame:
I didn't do anything; I did everything.

I miss/need/love/hate/care

If it doesn't:

[Please, please!]

whatever horrible, disgusting, inhuman part of me that wanted,
for the drama,
for the emotions,
for whatever horrible reasons my frazzled brain could possibly present me with...

maybe that tiny brain cell
would feel sad.

That
life is good.

Literally.

No one knows why
No one knows how

and I know least of all.

[Please, please, he didn't do anything. Please.]

Selfishly, I'd be lonely
at NEs.
Selfishly.

Selfishly, I'd be angry
for his choices
and beliefs
and policies.

and maybe a little less selfishly,

I'd be mad that it was never
me.

Selfishly,
I sit here
and feel underprivileged
because I'm not up there with them
on faith. love. healing. family. values.

Please. Please. Please.

Let's say
it happens.

[Please don't, please don't...]

All my fault, but not my fault at all....

a lesson on taking the blame:
I didn't do anything; I did everything.

I miss/need/love/hate/care

If it doesn't:

[Please, please!]

whatever horrible, disgusting, inhuman part of me that wanted,
for the drama,
for the emotions,
for whatever horrible reasons my frazzled brain could possibly present me with...

maybe that tiny brain cell
would feel sad.

That
life is good.

Literally.

No one knows why
No one knows how

and I know least of all.

[Please, please, he didn't do anything. Please.]

Selfishly, I'd be lonely
at NEs.
Selfishly.

Selfishly, I'd be angry
for his choices
and beliefs
and policies.

and maybe a little less selfishly,

I'd be mad that it was never
me.

Selfishly,
I sit here
and feel underprivileged
because I'm not up there with them
on faith. love. healing. family. values.

Please. Please. Please.

It's okay
That's in the past
No damage was done
I am who I am today
Because of me
That's who I have chosen to become
You feel bad but don't
I've moved on
I lied when I said
That I didn't remember
The truth is I do
But it doesn't stop me
From living the life I desire
It's not your fault I do the stuff I do
I do it because It's something that's lacking
In my everyday life
I've learned to live with that fact

It's okay
That's in the past
No damage was done
I am who I am today
Because of me
That's who I have chosen to become
You feel bad but don't
I've moved on
I lied when I said
That I didn't remember
The truth is I do
But it doesn't stop me
From living the life I desire
It's not your fault I do the stuff I do
I do it because It's something that's lacking
In my everyday life
I've learned to live with that fact

It's okay
That's in the past
No damage was done
I am who I am today
Because of me
That's who I have chosen to become
You feel bad but don't
I've moved on
I lied when I said
That I didn't remember
The truth is I do
But it doesn't stop me
From living the life I desire
It's not your fault I do the stuff I do
I do it because It's something that's lacking
In my everyday life
I've learned to live with that fact

As i walk down these halls for the last time I rmemeber what has happened and what possilbly could happen in the coming years. The first year went by a little slow but we all made it through. Classes went by a slower the we normaly intended and we didn't really know what was goin on. The second year you moce on step up you kin of know what your doin and where your going. Your bigger then the 6th graders but your still below the 8th. The biggest season of my life in basket ball. The team went 17-1 with the only loss goin to indian river. My whole team has togeth since 2nd grade. Then finally 8th grade your king of the school you know the school and you know most of the teachers.

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

As i walk down these halls for the last time I rmemeber what has happened and what possilbly could happen in the coming years. The first year went by a little slow but we all made it through. Classes went by a slower the we normaly intended and we didn't really know what was goin on. The second year you moce on step up you kin of know what your doin and where your going. Your bigger then the 6th graders but your still below the 8th. The biggest season of my life in basket ball. The team went 17-1 with the only loss goin to indian river. My whole team has togeth since 2nd grade. Then finally 8th grade your king of the school you know the school and you know most of the teachers.

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

Marshal and Lucy
By Paul Detzer

Mamma’s pretty strict, but she’s a great mom and I love her so much. She lets me and my brother Marshal play a lot of the time when she’s home, and when she’s at work she expects us to do the laundry but after that we can do whatever we want, but she’d say ‘Stay out of trouble, ya’ hear?’.
She leaves for to work at the factory early in the morning, before I’m even up. But sometimes I wake early to say goodbye, because sometimes she doesn’t get home until eight at night, my bed time. But normally she gets home at five, and she can fix us dinner and read us a story and clean the house a little. Marshal gets to stay up until 10, and if I try I can put my ears to the wall between my room and the living room and hear them talking. Momma says when I’m thirteen too, I can stay up with her and Marshal and be in there conversation. But I’m only nine, so that’s really far away.

The late afternoon sun shone down on the boring party. It was a mix of the complete opposite groups, and myself being one of the middle I had endured comments about both. Most of us were bored out of our minds, while others were broken into scattered groups that had invisible barriers; I stood in one spot, conversing with whoever was there. He stood a couple feet away. After our last fight, which ended with an apology and an awkward hug we were now back into the confusing relationship that changed daily. Though I had no particular romantic interest in him, something about him made me (make that everyone) care about his exact words and gestures to me.

With these words
I hope to convey to you
A sense of knowing.
More so, at least
Than the words
Shared with me
At my entrance to this
Strange club
This strange feeling.

Beware, because
There are those who
Would harm you
Around every corner.
They lurk in your
weaknesses.
They find their strengths
In your slow
But sure
Deterioration.

Beware, because
Nothing here
Is what it seems.
These doorways mean to
hold back, not inspire.
And the people waiting behind
Them, should you make it that
far would painfully,
without
feeling
kill you.

No, your body wouldn't
Stop functioning.
But your soul would.
And before you shirk
This advice
Ask yourself
If that is any better.

I would be lying through my teeth if I said I've seen the ups and the downs of the world, I have been very privileged in my time here on Earth and I think that as someone as blessed as I am, I have very little perspective of those who have not been so fortunate. I work as a counselor at a day camp a couple weeks in the summer and this past week I was in Winooski, Vermont. Not a particularly prosperous town but beautiful in its own way. I was outside waiting for my co-counselor to get the girls organized, bathroomed, and ready for jump-choice when an older man, totally sloshed, walked up to the back door of the gym and inquired about the activities going on inside. The camp co-ordinator, a no nonsense lady who didn't have time for him politely shooed him away. I was on the outside of a fence surrounding the backyard of the gym with five or six cones placed a couple meters away to keep any trespassers out and all the girls in.