Sadness

This is stupid
there all laughing

Laughing at me
My writing
What i write about

Laughing deep down
Inside...
Inside there jealous
Because im good...
Good at writing...
Good at reading...
Good at drawing...

But they still laugh
Still...
Always...
forever...

And no matter what
It still hurts
When they laugh...

It always will and forever
hurt when they laugh...

The Pain

tears will drain from my eyes
and stain my cheeks as if
black ink was slowly dropped
from a wet pine tree after the skies
sulk in the gray October morning.
And for the rest of my life I will know
that is impossible to be happy but once
again, but in my sorrow filled
mind.... I know it also couldn't happen.

Sadness overwhelms every aspect
of my being
I can't think
without the pain
flooding into my brain
all I feel like doing is
lying down in a corner
and crying until my body cannot
muster up anymore tears
so here I lay
crying without reason
thinking without control
and acting without sense

She lies on the floor half dead
Half alive
Numb and torn inside

She's tried to many times
To get them to understand
She can't do it anymore.

She thinks about death
How she's going to die
How she's going to commit suicide

Then as she slits her wrists,
Tears fall down the sad girl's face
As she wishes to go to a better place.

The night was dark and cold the little girl sat shivering on a door step. Why did this happen? How could this happen? Such a poor innocent girl who should be laughing and playing is sitting by herself all glum and sad. Her dress is warn, old, and kind of gray. Her feet are bare and bleeding, it looks like she had been walking for miles. Her hair was mangled and wet the brown locks covering her face like a mask. Her deep brown eyes just wishing someone would come and hold her tight. But still she sits there all alone with no one to love her and no one to care for her. All the trees and flowers seem to wither and die in their sadness for the poor lonely girl sitting on the doorstep.

i. I wonder what will happen once you're gone.
ii. The leaves fell quietly to the ground.
i. What will happen when you're gone?
ii. They floated almost as softly as snowflakes.
i. Will it be like the last time?
ii. They seemed so innocent.
i. Have I changed to encourage a different reaction this time?
ii. They understood their symbology.
i. Will that part of me die?
ii. Fall to winter.
i. How many more times will this happen?
ii. Life to death.
i. Will there be anything left when it's over?
ii. And then they began to decompose.
i. What will happen to me?
ii. Leaving nothing but dust.

Sleep pulls at me
Like a Ford Tundra
I can't resist

I don't want to

I know that
You'll be there
Waiting

Ready
To wrap your arms
Around me once more

But in my dreams
You're not leaving
We have time

The setting varies
Like a set of postcards
They're all beautiful

We can stare
Into each other's eyes
Uninterrupted

We can laugh
As we play pranks
On each other

There's no worrying
About how much longer
We have together

And then dread
Creeps over me
Like bedbugs

I can hear
My mother's voice
Calling

Trying to wake me
From my reverie
As if it's a nightmare

Suddenly
You're leaving
Again

And I'm drowing
In my own tears
Of sorrow

As I wake up
I try not
To let her hear

The pain
In my voice

It's not her fault

Once she leaves
I'm back
Back in my dream

Thankfully

But the phone rings
And jolts me awake
My face still wet

And this time
There's no
Going back

I'll have to wait
Until twilight

Sorrow more than sorrow bears,
the somber silk so softly flows,
and on the silver rails met,
the stories of the saddest sort,
the pitfalls of the largest tears,
but larger still are those that never fall.

In sweetest silence moves the sorrow train.
above the earth, and then below,
it glides upon the tides of tears,
and weeping, moves it further on,
and from the softened heart a cry,
a whimper to the dying crowd.

If ever more a tear might fall,
and caught atop the silver rail,
might turn it there to plated gold,
and never hear a solemn cry,
might leave the ashes far behind,
and sweep the sadness in the breeze.

Tears pour slipping slobbery to the floor
More and more
Fiery cheeks burn rouge heating your face
Sobs flow endlessly as they pace
Though the smoldering ashes
Of antagonism and grief
Fighting fire escaping the memory
With no water to heal the wound
That burns in your heart like a dying flame
Night after night

So much sadness
and anger
is balled up in my throat
too hard for me to swallow
too hard for me to let go

"why did this happen?"
I ask myself.
"how on earth, did this become such an issue for me?"
hmn...
"Is this all really my fault?"
The quesitons roll around in my thick skull
Forcing the ball to become sufficatingly big.

with each question,
came another tear, followed by one more
With the questions left unanswered,
I remained in silence
as the ball in my throat
grew larger
than what I had planned

"is there a reason why, I let this go on ignored?"
the pain comes as I try to swallow the ball,
and tears are rushing
down my smooth, soaked, cheeks
"it's all my fault...isn't it...?.."

Can't see,
through my flooded eyes
too much is happening
too many thoughts
too many questions without answers
too much time left in my life to get answers

my lungs are burning up,
like a forest fire
I can't breathe
I can't concentrate
I can't think
I can't do anything,
right now

darkness seems to eat me up
as the ball grows larger,
in my throat
the light in the room I'm in slowly seems
to be dropping down to almost a black
which only makes me cry harder,
making the tears come faster,
the ball in my throat doesn't release itself
there is no way for me to get rid of it

there is still,
way too much going on
I seem to be floating in the blackness
of pain,
agony,
sadness,
anger,
it tries to comfort me somehow
but all I do is try to ignore it
get rid of it
but ending up
hurting me worse than the ball in my throat
it sits there as if I swallowed a piece of iron,
metal, or steal,
but otherwise something that would still hurt
and not care to be causing pain

as the darkness seems to get darker, blacker
I close my eyes,
pushing out all of the tears of my eyes,
pouring them down my red cheeks
and in my attempt to shove away all of the blackness,
I end up blacking out, myself,
and going into a
deep,

You’d trip,
And fall down the stairs
He would say,
“If you’re gonna be stupid,
You better be tough.”

You’d be riding your bike
You’d hit a bump
And fall forward over the handle bars
He would say,
“If you’re gonna be stupid,
You better be tough.”

You’d drop your fork underneath the table
You’d bend down to pick it up
You’d sit up and hit your head on the table
He would definitely say
“If you’re gonna be stupid,
You better be tough.”

After a while you think,
All this is,
Is common sense,
You just like to hear him say it
You would wait,
And think,
And then act stupid again
He doesn’t say a thing.

You cry yourself to sleep at night
Wishing he would,
Say it just one more time
But he can’t
And you know it.
You just don’t want to believe it.

Right about now,
He would probably say,
"Toughen' up,
Buttercup."

But tears would still
Be falling

Lying in bed
Covers wrapped around me
my head stuffed
into the pillows there
sleep gradually overtaking
my body.

in the daze
of
comfort
warmth
security

I think of all that has
happened
since that day.

And I shed
one
single
tear.

I smile with relief.
One.
I can work
with that.

For a second
I almost cried
for everything
I've lost.

and then it was gone.
and now I can't do it again.

Why is it so hard
to bring myself to tears?

I am from the hope

I am from the life

I am the experience that those that have had theirs taken away from them wish for

I am the old oak in the backyard

I am the old

I am from the young

I am from the first breath

I am from the last breath

I am from the spirit

I am memories and life

I can't feel my senses
I just feel the cold
I'm nothing without you
My soul is frozen
My memories of you
Are fading away
Into emptiness
All your lies
I can see the truth
You never loved me
And you never will
You simply tolerated me
For eighteen years
Until I was old enough
To live on my own
I can see that now
"I love you"
Those were just empty words
That meant nothing to you

I want to hold you
I'm a wreak without you
I'm broken
I need yuo to be here
To return my love
But you're gone
I can feel your absence
The void in my heart
I'm about to explode
I'm broken
I want you back

You don't know me
You never tried
You simply used me
Another toy
In your eyes
Complerely worthless
But I fell for
Your illusuons of
eternal happiness
"Till death do us part"
That was our vow
But you didn't
Love me at all
So now the vow
Will come true
When your death
Splits us apart

Today I walk to school.
The wind is a little cool, the sky is a little gray.
I start to cross the street, and stop because a car zooms by.
Heart racing, I run across to the other side.

I look at the trees, and notice that they are starting to turn.
Leaves are flying around my feet, crumbling once they hit something solid.
I look at my feet, and then at the ground.