sister

I sat impatiently, waiting for my family’s old and slow computer to load up. I stared at the white chip in the wall, thinking of all the homework I had to finish for the night. I had to finish an internet lab for Chemistry class, and write the last page for an essay for English class.

The front door creaked open and I checked the time. 7:30. Crap. My sister was done with work. I heard her stomp towards the computer room where I was. She sounded angry, each of her steps fast and thunderous. I wished that I had locked the door.

“Are you doing homework?” she demanded in and annoyed voice. “I need to get on to do homework.”

“I just got on about five minutes ago.” I responded quietly.
“Are you doing homework?” her voice raised, I could tell that she was in a very bad mood, worse than normal after she got off work.

“Yes, I am doing homework.” I said calmly. I really just wanted her to leave me alone. I wished that she were still working.

There once was a time when my family was happy,
but now everything has gone a little bit crappy.
My sister use to be an amazing chick.
Now she’s in the hospital because she’s sick.

My sister is crazy.
It’s made my family sad and lazy.
I hate her for going mad,
but then I really think about it, and I kind of feel bad.

To get to school my friends and I would walk.
The whole time there we would talk.
Then I told them my sister was mental,
and then they dumped me like an old used rental.

It’s hard for us that she’s not here.
Sometimes thinking about it makes us shed a tear.
But our lives still go on.
I met this wonderful boy named John.

My sister in her head is lost.
We all have to pay the cost.
I try to help and care,
but she really is quite a scare.

I miss her very much.
I just want to feel her touch.
But it’s going to be alright.
Things are starting to look bright.

Alex
You arrived
from Ethiopia
the day before Halloween.
You came on a plane
from your homeland,
to the airport in Burlington, Vermont.
Mom met you there
and took you home.
We were all
sitting
on the floor
carving pumpkins,
laughing,
having a good time.
The door opened
with its usual
clatter.
I looked up.
There you were,
glancing nervously around the room.
Everyone stopped.
Stared
with curiosity.
Jayne broke the awkward moment
with an exclamation.
"Alex!"
Seeing you
put millions
of thoughts and questions
in my head.
They chased each other around my brain.
One word stood above them all.
One word.
Sister.

Going on 7 years
You are still my entire life
You are something to
Cry about
Think about
Talk about
Why You left
No surprise
For a horrible year and a half
my 9 year old self knew
We all knew
But pretended to hope
and how would that help?
When the prayers
Thoughts
surgery
Radiation
And chemo didn’t
I was only nine, my sister 7, my brother 5
But you left

When I look in the mirror
I see a mess
When she looks at me
she see what she wants to be
This little girl
will always love me
no matter what
unconditionally.
I've let my self down
and everyone else too.
then she looks at me and
her rosie lips speak
"sissy, I love You."
I've cried all day
because of what they all say.
I feel dirty
and messy
and betrayed
and she says
"sissy, You look very pretty today."
I hate myself
I scream
"I want to die"
I can't take it.
Life blows.
as she brings tears to my eyes
she whispers,
"Sissy, Please Don't Go."

My own sister
won't let me hug her
anymore, she pushes my
arms away, ducks, runs,
sneers.

Tell me: am I really that
repulsive?

I guess I just wish
that growing up
and growing apart
didn't mean
the same
thing.