crying

How lovely does the rain fall,
as if it's trying to send out a call.
So beautiful as it might seem to be,
sometimes it is not so beautiful to me.
When the lightning cracks abd the wind howls,
that's when you hear a long low growl.
Warnings come about flah floods,
while people try to get home through the muds.
When all you can see is darkness and grey,
it take's the sunshine out of your day.
Then something hit's you that's hard and wet,
and you know that the Heavens just let.
Go of the hail,
and you start to wail.
"Why here, why now,
that one really hurt ow!"
Then somehow as if they heard your plea,
they open the clouds and sunshine rains on me.
Then the lightning stops and the thunders gone,
and all of a sudden I hear John.
"Look at that rainbow, it's as preety as can be,"
now the light rainfall is beautiful to me.

Sitting
In front
Of the television

It's 10:55 at night
And I'm crying
Like a baby

Watching
America's Got Talent
And all these people
Work so hard
Trying to be the best

They've gone through
So much
And they're
So great

It makes me weep

Everything in the kitchen
Pitch black
Except for the small
4 foot cone
Feeding off the TV screen

The colors from
The screen
Light up my tears
Make them visable

On my cheeks
On my eyelashes
On my arms

They're everywhere

I just sit
And cry
And smile
And feel happy

I've come to the conclusion
That

I'm human

How could something
That seems so...amazing
Turn into such a nightmare
the next time you blink?

Why could smoething so precious
be brought into the world
only to be given a short period of time
to live inside the womb
not to even be born,
but with just ten weeks inside the womb
not even being able to hear or see yet
your life was taken

I wish you could have stayed longer, little friend
so I could teach you as my fourth sibling
the ways of living
the rights and wrongs of living
the fun times and even those of torture
that come out of life
and then,
when you think all is lost
another little one,
comes to try to make things better.
but this time,
I'm real scared
not only for you, little child,
but for my family.
for me
for my mom
for my dad
for my two sisters
and my two-year-old little brother.
somethings just aren't meant to be endured more than once
but all I can do is pray and make sure that this child makes it safely
and that this one, is Ok.

but as the darkness washes over me
and I am surrounded by a sea of pain
I am numbed by the presence of my family
unaware of my surroundings
only sure of the reason why I cannot see
because my eyes are flooding
But I come to a point
the ten week mark, again,
to where I cannot cry any longer.

I'm still scared
for my mom is expecting another, little one
I pray to the Lord.
no matter how much doubt fills me,
no matter how much this will make me suffer
I want this one to live.

It is now past the ten week mark
And the baby
Is
Still
Living
but I still pray, that this one
Will not die,
but live

This baby, will be God's Olive branch
for the flood is over
and we should not be scared
we should come out of the ark.
where we grieve ,
and wait for the pain to stop.
the fight is over
The dove has come
with the branch
to assure us
that we will no longer be
At loss.
But with everything to gain
With God on our side.

For a second
I almost cried
for everything
I've lost.

and then it was gone.
and now I can't do it again.

Why is it so hard
to bring myself to tears?