love

Confusing Waters

By
Josie Kerrigan
With contributions from: Noel Shumway

***
“So Miss Jennifer Walters, your test results have come back in and everything seems to be normal except one thing, but it shouldn’t be a big deal.”
“Oh, well my stomach has been having some pains lately – I didn’t know if that meant anything?”
“Well, we can do some test, but unfortunately you wont hear the results until after you come back.”
“That’s fine. I’m sure it’s just something minor anyways. Thank you for your time Dr. Phelps.
“My pleasure, tell Dean I said hi.”
***

Your hand in mine
Sends shivers down my spine
As you reflexively grab it
When I squeeze your sides

Your long fingers
Are the right length
To properly clench my knee
And make me squirm

Our shoulders together
Comfort me
After a long day of work
From hanging out with you

Side by side
In the puked on
Food-stained
Schoolbus seats

No better way
To ride back
To the college
As the sun sets

From the first moment
There on the soccer field
It was clear to me
What could happen

I just
Never thought
Four weeks
Would be enough

And it really
Shouldn't be
But somehow
It is

And then I'm reminded
That you're leaving
In one week
And all my dreams disappear

The first day
He came up
Next to me
"I saw you last night"
He says
A phrase that would be kinky
But it's not

We talk
Get to know each other
Watch one another
For a few days
Across the classroom
Before talking again

Once again
He comes up
Next to me
Sits in the empty seat
Vacated by a stranger
We talk
And talk
And talk

Walk around
With each other
Ride up to the summit
Of the highest mountain
He takes a picture
On one of his phones
To take back with him

We stand in line
To order ice cream
Talk
And talk
And talk
Sore from "squash"
And tennis
The night before
He shared his Vitamin Water
With me
Almost a stranger

On the bus back
We fall asleep
He almost falls on me
We arrive
I nudge him
"Wake up"
As the sensei
Starts to talk
Startled
He opens his eyes
Still "sleepy"

I'm not sure
Of his thoughts
Or of mine
For that matter
I just know

I love this job

She wobbles in
With her husband
I guess
Late 70's

Her glasses
Big and red-rimmed
Ugly on anyone
But her

Bright red hair
Not yet greyed
By age
Or stress

I'm surprised
I can see where
She's smiled
For all those years

Some of her teeth
Are missing
She's got wrinkles
Everywhere

The husband's lower lip
Juts out in an underbite
His lopsided smile
Is contagious

It's obvious they were
A beautiful couple
In their
Younger years

Technically
They still are
You can just feel
Their radiating love

Years and years
Of being together
Probably since
Late teens

Amazing
Inspiring
Hard to
Comprehend

I wonder
If I'll spend
Most of my life
Like that

Or if I'll
End up
Getting divorced
More than once

Be careful
Choose with caution
Don't be hasty
Think it through

Hope for the best
Because you've seen
The little old lady
Love her little old husband

And you wish
For a relationship
That will last
Just like theirs

Verse 1:
Behind her laughing smile,
is a broken heart.
A girl who can shed,
no more tears,
cause she's cried for the world,
the moon, the stars,
and the violence,
that never stops

Chorus:
Who says the world,
won't stop for you?

( I hope to put out a podcast with the words on it soon!:)
Do any of you have a suggestion for after you? or a suggestion for change?

The hardest decision I had to make was probably when I went to my grandfathers wake and had to put the bracelet on him. well th day I found out that my papa died I started to work on a necklace that said “papa I love you” when I was done making that one made a bracelet that said “papa I love you” and I was gonna put the bracelet on him so he could be cremated with him. When I got to the wake I just broke down it was so hard to see him just lying there so unlive. At the wake I was so afraid to go over near him. I had to decide if I wanted to go put the bracelet on him or not. I knew if I did than he will always be with me, no matter what and I knew that if I didn’t do it soon then I wont be able to do it at all cause once the casket is closed it will be closed forever.

A paper crane
On my bookshelf
Reminds me
Of you

I see
The old
Origami
You made me

Back when
We were
Going out

The butterfly
Made from a
Worksheet we
Had
In Spanish class

The first
And most
Beautiful

It's dusty
From sitting
In my car
From Eighth grade
Science class

From not being
Looked at
Or touched
In a year

There's
The shell
The two
Dinosaurs

The star box
That you
Gave me
When we went
And saw
The Pirates
Of Penzance

The gargoyle
That someone
Drew eyes on
In pink pen

A yellow
Paper airplane
And some neat
Little ball
That probably
Took you hours
To make

Looking at
The origami
Reminds me
Of the letter
You sent me
When I went
To conservation camp

The one
Where you say
We should hang
At the Block Party
Where you write
"I Love You"
In a secret code
You made up
Yourself

The one
Where you drew
Tic-Tac-Toe
With more Xs
Than Os and
Drew a big X
By connecting
The little ones

Scribbled

20 chins

You lay
On my back

Stare at
The ceiling

Say penis
Like a child

Talk about
Poop sticks

Sigh
And say
Your eue
Is twitching

Grab y
iHome

State
That you'll
Plug it in

Finally do

I just
Write
Everything down
Laugh
At your reactions
To everything

So blunt
So out there

Not always
The best choice
Just always

You

I love
How we've
Become
Best friends

We tell
Each other

Everything

Laugh at
Each other's
Thoughts
Perceptions
Circumstances

And yet

We're always
There
And ready
To be
Understanding
Compassionate
Uplifting

I watch
Us

And smile
Loving how
We're opposites
North and south
Pulled together

Super magnets

Hope
We'll always
Be bestest friends

We always
Will be

Bike
To the playground

Walk
To the middle

Lay
On the structure

Stick
Headphones in your ears

Pass
One to me

Press
In my ear

Listen
To the soundwaves

Dismiss
The beauty

Stop

Wonder
About the world

Think
About the sun

Contemplate
The rain

Remove
Music from aural orifice

Smile
To myself

Remember
The last two years

Growing

Maturing

Becoming
Who we are

Smirk
At life

Know

This is how it should be

woman
you best know that this
is shit

if you believe this
you're lying in a huge
puddle of lies

you are pretty
you are wanted
you are loved
you are desired
you are envied
you are stunning

you're just you
and that's all you'll ever be
and that's a good thing
don't be someone else

i don't want to be friends
with anyone but you

stop waiting for rejection
from boys
from teachers
from friends
from everyone

you'll be waiting for
the rest of your life

alone
scared
miserable
self loathing

if that's who you want to be
leave me out

cause i'm just me
and that's all i'll ever be
and the me that i am
knows that her best friend
is not who she thinks she is

so stop wallowing in self pity
get up off your ass
and be phenomenal

oh
wait

you already are

I never knew
How amazing
Your poetry is
Or
How amazing
Our friendship is

I never knew
That being
Best friends
Meant
Being us

I never knew
The strength
The courage
Standing up
For each other

Just
To push
The other down
And laugh XD

I never knew
How close
People could be
Until
It was
You and me

I never knew

And yet
It's always
Been around
But I couldn't
See
Through
Closed eyes

I never knew
That you'd
Opened my lids
Sprayed water
In my face
Smacked me
A few times

I never knew
That I'd
Woken up
From my
Nightmare

Until I met
You

My dear
Dear Nutella love,
It's your sweet aroma that wavers above.
Thy pigments of deep brown,
Make the sound of music jealous!
So thick, so rich
Tongues linger to catch a drip.
Why, let us run off mon cher!
To Venice, we go!
Where I can serenade to your heart's content
And watch suns rise or tumble,
Licking the chocolate covered spoon
Before my stomach is to rumble.

What's that my dear? Speak up, don't mumble!
You say that there are bigger jars of Nutella in Italy?
Well....

Sing to me of endless whispers
Let their words snake through my ears
Would that I could understand their meaning
If only they were constructed on sense

Write to me of endless nights
Let the stars burn through to my soul
Would that they would sparkle forever
If only they would remember me

Hum to me of endless summers
Let the sun warm me through my skin
Would that the air was always as fresh
If only the sky were always as blue

Speak to me of endless friendship
Let the bond be shared between hearts
Would that the mind would always stay calm
If only life were always as pure

Sing to me, write to me, hum to me, speak to me
Of endless whispers, endless nights, endless summers, endless friendship
Would that they will continue forever
If only they will remain the same

He said
Life is playing games
Having fun
Hanging out
And falling in love
On long summer nights

She said
Life is quiet
Reading in the grass
Listening to the ocean
And unknowingly
Falling in love too
Literally.

For my cello teacher...I think I might move on soon....

Tuesday nights
are changing
into hours of
not getting anywhere..

Which is wierd because I try so hard to
move
forward

I feel like I owe you something
the worth of the change that's
affected me

I'm can't repay
not
staying
not
sorry.