Nicole A. Buskey

Nicole A. Buskey
Missisquoi Valley Union High School, Grade 11

They ask, "What are you writing?"
My reply is always, "Stuff."
What do they care what it is?
Human curiosity is just nosiness.
What I really want to tell them is,
"Mind your own business.
It's not about you."
But then they'd wonder more
And that's something I can't chance.
What if I came up to you and asked,
"What is your deepest secret?"
I bet you'd give me a look of disgust
For daring to ask something so personal.
So stop doing it to me.
"What are you writing?"
I'm writing my heart
My soul
My life
...Stuff

Looking back I think I see
All the small things you did for me
Nothing big, nothing huge
Just small gestures and hinted cues
And even though I didn't see then
I can now truly consider you my friend

The same blood, the same bone
How could we have been so cold?
The yells and slammed doors
Dad screaming for peace from our constant war
The blame and the hate
It was just our way to communicate
But even through that I'm glad to say
Nothing got broken along the way

Time goes by and things remain
But then some things have to change
Sisters are something we grow into I think
And I want to tell you that I believe it's true
I've finally gotten used to you

First spring breeze
Brings life to everything around
And revives the worn winter souls
That hurried inside from the cold
And could not stay outside for long
Now we can stand warmly in sun's return
As our smiles also come home
From their icy vacation that ends
With the first spring breeze

Is it okay to like someone
Who can never like you back?
Unrequited love
Oh how often we have met
I can not count the times
But I'm sure they outnumber fingers
I am doomed to this one-sided affliction
Always the one wanting
Never the one wanted
I'm afraid my own romance will never come
My suffering in this infatuation is all my own
But the friendly smiles from my dear
Must sustain me for now
Because unrequited love is better
Then no love at all

The shock
Like lightning
As I realize
With a too wide smile
That I've done something right
And the afterglow
Like the sun
Is so warm I never
Want to leave it
Because how often
Do I get to say
"I'm special,
And I was right"

I hate that I want you
You of all people
So out of my reach
I laugh at my own hopelessness
You who have your pick
Of twenty girls I assume
With much more experience then me
Why do I want you?
You, who are everything I'm not
Rash and foolish
Where I am serious and collected
My opposite in everything
I hate the way you do things
And I hate your cockiness, so much
But most of all
I hate that I want you
I hate it more than I hate you

I've given you everything you asked
But nothing satisfys your hunger
And no amount of caring can cure you
Of your slow fall dying
That you plunged head first into
With a splash that left me soaked cold
Tell me what I'm supposed to think of this
Think of you...
Your sinking under in a pool of worthlessness
So how am I supposed to be happy for you
Now that you've thrown it all away
Right in my face
With that self-satisfied smirk
But your only hurting yourself now
Because I've had enough
Of being happy for your mistakes
I'll walk away from your suicidal drowning
And will watch with my own smile
As you wonder where I've gone
So surprising, I know
That I'm finally done being happy for you

I'm sorry that I said those things
I'm sorry I screwed up
I'm sorry I never gave you space
I'm sorry I couldn't give up
I'm sorry for this whole long year
I can never make it right
I'm sorry I'm not sorry at all
I promise that I tried