reflection

I watch as he tucks the clothes
around his naked form,
letting material drape
loosely over his skin
and tangle with his
mind.

He loves the feel of boy-jeans and
t-shirts that
mask his curves, because
he loves to make me
look.

His brown hair is short, and
brushed messily away
from his face, so I can see
his eyes,
deep,
colored like
the earth.
Candlelight flickers in
their darkness.
How do I look? he asks me,
words unsure and
tripping over each other.
I just nod.

He smiles at me with
a question lingering on his mouth, and
his lips look stained with
sweet pomegranate from when
he bites them,
nervous, and
I wonder what they
would taste like.
Change?
Love?
Freedom?

Desperation?

I try to touch him,
make the connection, but
my lips just meet
cold glass,
and reality hits
as his features grow faint
with my condensation, and

both of us are
holding back tears
as I whisper,
You look beautiful,
darling.

Now
Now is the time
You have to do it now
You know you do
You got to
Now
This is the only chance
The only chance you have
Time is being chewed up
As you just sit there
Wondering what people think of you
Instead of what you could do
The clock is ticking
You’re leaving it there
Like an unfinished test
Oh great
For now what you need to do
Is for all to see
You’re scared
You’re unprepared
You’re on the spot
So pressured
Oh, how you wish it was over
But you can dream about that later
All you do is close your eyes
And just do it
You soar through skies of possibilities
Your feelings go off like fireworks
When you open your eyes
You realized
Just how much potential you have
When you let go of all
All your inhibitions
All your thoughts
All your peers
All your broken self esteem
You
And your peers
Are astonished
You are proud
You are thankful for doing it
If you didn’t
You wouldn’t have ever
Experienced diving into

I, myself, have been to the crystal city on the water.
I have stood on the glass balcony which reflected back below.
I have traveled endless miles into the sky which this place sits,
Where the shows are the thunderclouds far down where we row,
Above the clouds where storms cease to exist.

Vaguely listening...
I don't bother to tune in
Like an ancient radio gone out of style.

I can't help but hear the worries being confessed
I can't help but feel the vibes of affection
I can't help but imagine all those sprinting droplets are someone's tears.
I can't help but smell the salt from my own.
I can't help but touch the foggy window that reflects the sky.

I stand on the balcony of Room 232 of Chiang Mai Ram hospital, staring into the warm Thai night and thinking of everything that had happened, what it would mean in the cool, distant morning.