Recent Comments

  • Reply to: Wild Blackberries for Early August   Wednesday, August 15, 2018 - 2:03pm
    Comment Author:

    Blackberry picking is a powerfully sweet encapsulation of late summer, it suggests thick air along with the sticky juice on "night-stained fingers" as you vividly described it. The beginning, "thorns were involved/and so with careful fingers...", does a wonderful job of setting the tone of the poem; that of a memory so vivid that one is transported to the actions and sensations of it when remembering.

    The imagery is really what makes this piece so charming, descriptions like " balancing the sharp mountains between skin", "tiny caterpillars and dirty calloused feet". I think you could go just a little further with the sensory description: how do the thorns feel when they do pierce the skin? What does the air feel like in August? Is it at all similar to the juice of the blackberries (could be an interesting simile there)? What smells and tastes are there in a blackberry patch, or of August in general? I saw a specific opportunity to provide greater description of the feel of the black berries in the lines "held in palms/and eaten". Perhaps just a word or two on the feel/smell of the blackberry in the palm, or the feel/taste when eaten, would make those lines even more vivid.

    As usual, these are just my thoughts, and I completely understand if you prefer to keep this poem simpler, or go a different route with revisions. Thanks for sharing this snippet of summer!
    ~Hazel

  • Reply to: Problems in the west wind   Tuesday, August 14, 2018 - 9:36pm
    Comment Author:

    thanks

  • Reply to: Random Question that is listed under non-fiction because I don't know what else to put it as   Tuesday, August 14, 2018 - 4:43pm
    Comment Author:

    Um... become an extra in your favorite movie?

  • Reply to: Day Dreaming   Tuesday, August 14, 2018 - 4:31pm
    Comment Author:

    As I carry myself through what you have built with your writing, I can imagine everything perfectly. I agree with Shannon, you capture a great moment. You've also captured one's imagination perfectly. Thank you for sharing this!

  • Reply to: when a storm breaks   Tuesday, August 14, 2018 - 4:23pm
    Comment Author:

    Thank you!

  • Reply to: A Celestial Body of My Own   Tuesday, August 14, 2018 - 2:19pm
    Comment Author:

    Hi aesthye, I know I just responded to your private message but I’m one for addressing everything when I get the chance, haha.
    I’m glad to hear you enjoyed this so much, this is definitely one of my favorite pieces I’ve ever written. I’m glad the imagery hit the reader the way I intended for it to and that my intentions were clear. I am indeed the narrator in this scenario, in most pieces I write I am (I have a tendency to use anecdotes).
    Thank you.

  • Reply to: when a storm breaks   Tuesday, August 14, 2018 - 12:43pm
    Comment Author:

    I can picture myself in this moment so well thanks to your incredible descriptions. This was wonderful, Shannon :)

  • Reply to: Problems in the west wind   Tuesday, August 14, 2018 - 12:33pm
    Comment Author:

    This was so wonderful!

  • Reply to: Day Dreaming   Tuesday, August 14, 2018 - 11:05am
    Comment Author:

    I love your diction in this piece; you capture such a great moment and I can feel all of the raw emotions that build up to the final sentence. Great job, Shannon :)

  • Reply to: Random Question that is listed under non-fiction because I don't know what else to put it as   Monday, August 13, 2018 - 5:56pm
    Comment Author:

    Oh yea, I guess it might create a time ripple. So yea... I'll have to come up with a new 3rd one.

  • Reply to: Random Question that is listed under non-fiction because I don't know what else to put it as   Monday, August 13, 2018 - 4:20pm
    Comment Author:

    Why didn't I think of Woodstock? Also I'm pretty sure meeting your past self has some pretty apocalyptic results... Has Doctor Who taught you nothing???

  • Reply to: rain from the perspective of a five year old   Monday, August 13, 2018 - 3:01pm
    Comment Author:

    Wow thanks for your comment! I've never heard about that story, but it makes sense for one to think that. Anyway, I've changed the title like you suggested. The previous one was one that I had made because I didn't know exactly what to title it haha.

  • Reply to: rain from the perspective of a five year old   Monday, August 13, 2018 - 2:51pm
    Comment Author:

    I think I might've already said this once in this site, but Plath once wrote in her diaries about all the rain poems that'd flood into publishing houses after a big storm. It was stated as a negative thing - to stand out, you shouldn't write about ordinary topics. I completely disagree, and you've strengthened that opinion in me! This felt original. Of course we've all heard the rain/tears comparison, but you connected rain and emotions in a new way. The rain spilling out the sides of the bucket gave me an image of emotions sloshing out (rather than raining down) and I thought of the word catharsis before I'd scrolled down to the next line to read that. Well done.

    My only criticism might be playing around with the title a little bit? I don't sense the angst in this piece that I expected after reading the title.

  • Reply to: Abandoned Robin egg + nest   Sunday, August 12, 2018 - 10:02pm
    Comment Author:

    It was actually just my phone's camera. It's a new phone and all of my pictures I post will be from it. I didn't expect the amazing detail when I took it, but I'm glad you enjoy it!
    Rowan

  • Reply to: Rain   Sunday, August 12, 2018 - 9:16pm
    Comment Author:

    I agree, that was also one of my favorite lines! I'd love to read a little more about that idea: how does rain obscure our flaws? Why does the rain need to stop? Why can't we always ignore our flaws?

    I also really love being out in the rain, especially running in it. something about rain drops carried by the wind into my face makes me feel very alive and part of the cycles of the natural world. Also the sound of rain on a metal rooftop on summer nights, when sleeping in my family's very rustic cabin that we've had since my great-grandmother was younger than me, is one of my favorite sounds in the world. Thank you for bringing me back to those peaceful memories with your beautiful descriptions,
    ~Hazel

  • Reply to: Abandoned Robin egg + nest   Sunday, August 12, 2018 - 9:01pm
    Comment Author:

    This image is absolutely beautiful. The contrast between the bright highlights on the nest, and the dark, nearly pure black background, how they highlight the sea blue of the robin's egg, the irregular contour of the nest, all of it works so well together! What type of camera did you use to photograph this?
    ~Hazel

  • Reply to: Rain   Sunday, August 12, 2018 - 10:29am
    Comment Author:

    "Rain hides our flaws. Or at least it lets us pretend they don't exist". I love this line. When it starts raining later, I'll be thinking about this. I might take a picture of a puddle or something.

    Thank you for writing this, this really made me think.

  • Reply to: Random Question that is listed under non-fiction because I don't know what else to put it as   Saturday, August 11, 2018 - 5:52pm
    Comment Author:

    1: Go to Woodstock
    2: Go to a Nirvana concert
    3: Meet my past self
    4: Go to a Led Zeppelin concert

  • Reply to: A Prisoner of my Mind.   Saturday, August 11, 2018 - 5:50pm
    Comment Author:

    I completely relate with this piece.

  • Reply to: Random Question that is listed under non-fiction because I don't know what else to put it as   Saturday, August 11, 2018 - 4:20pm
    Comment Author:

    Proof that Led Zep is one of the greatest band ever, and everyone knows it. Also, you probably absorbed some of their coolness just by osmosis.

  • Reply to: I Wish / Fake Wounds / Bells   Friday, August 10, 2018 - 9:24pm
    Comment Author:

    Honestly? The first stanza is based on my sister's dirty face after she plays outside. The second piece is just something I've kept bottled up. It's not supposed to really mean anything, I guess, but when you look at the three pieces together it looks like they're all connected. i, ii, and then iii. Each from a different perspective. Huh.
    The last one was kind of supposed to be a brighter telling of a war, the actual good things about it. Reuniting with the family that should never had had to leave.

    There's no specific war I had in mind. Hopefully it's no war in the future. The first bit was kind of based on settlements in Fallout: 4, where they couldn't have new people with limited resources.

    If you've got ways for me to extend it, shoot. I'm always open to writing new characters and storylines. The things I've written here definitely have ways they could be elaborated on and I feel like if I do it, they'll run the same course as all my other stories. Fresh ideas/words are always needed.

    Thank you so much!
    Rowan

  • Reply to: Random Question that is listed under non-fiction because I don't know what else to put it as   Friday, August 10, 2018 - 9:15pm
    Comment Author:

    Queen, just so I could say that I did. I remember jamming out to them when I was a little kid.
    Also, apparently when my mom would listen to Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song" when she was pregnant with me, I'd dance. Like she'd actually feel me kick to the beat.

  • Reply to: I Wish / Fake Wounds / Bells   Friday, August 10, 2018 - 8:05pm
    Comment Author:

    The contrast between childish innocence and the stark image of war in this piece is very striking. I think you could extend of off those ideas even more, and I could give some suggestions as to how, but I have a few questions first if you are willing to answer:

    I'm wondering what this is based on? There's a lot of different images and narratives in this piece, and I'm trying to piece them all together. Is this based on a specific war, or is it a general portrait of wartime? I'm really interested, and hope to learn more soon,
    ~Hazel

  • Reply to: 49 flames.   Friday, August 10, 2018 - 6:45pm
    Comment Author:

    This is so beautiful and relatable. The sensory details are really incredible, thank you for sharing!

  • Reply to: My Birthday Gift   Friday, August 10, 2018 - 4:30pm
    Comment Author:

    Wicked cool!!